Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
