I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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