how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
