How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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