I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
