I wish I could punch you in the face.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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