i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
