my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
