We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
