My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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