I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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