UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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