why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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