Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
