Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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