the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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