On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
