im about as happy as oj after his trial
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Come share oat with me in your robe
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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