but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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