She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
