pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
