As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
