i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
