Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
