he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
