Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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