The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize