They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
