My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Shame - the story of my life.
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