my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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