im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
