i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
