Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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