I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
