Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
