We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
