I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
