He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
