we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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