I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
