Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
