you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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