Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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