You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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