Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
