Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
