he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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