so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
