if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
