Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
