I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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