Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
