saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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