Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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