omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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