Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
