I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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