I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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