Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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