The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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