My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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