Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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