Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
