Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
