oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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