I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
