what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
