And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
