You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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