I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
