Whod you bang
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sobbing to NWA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
