before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
